The Letters I Never Sent….

I can't live an honest life carrying the weight of other people's ghosts.

I was running a masterclass in emotional labor for people who never enrolled, and it nearly cost me my mental health. I have exhausted myself being the placating scapegoat in a lot of people's lives. I've kept the receipts of harm done to me, and told myself that just walking away and living my best life was the best form of revenge.

In order to survive my toxic family, I had to become ridiculously honest. I had to be prepared to have anything and everything held against me in the court that was my existence. As a middle school aged child, I told a trusted adult about the abuse that was happening in my home. My parents were called in for a meeting, and my mother told everyone to ignore me and my "active imagination." I was labelled a pathological liar to protect adults that should have been held accountable.

The experience taught me that I needed to just be "better." More honest, to lead with integrity. I implemented the Golden Rule that I saw weekly in bible study and held it close to my heart, making it a Golden Law. I forced myself to be honest even when it was uncomfortable, if it came with a loss, or if I was going to be punished. Nothing mattered to me more than knowing that I was telling the truth. Nothing.

I carried this law with me as an adult, never ever ever claiming to be perfect, but willing to be held accountable when the situation called. I erred, as a human does, but repaired just as quickly.

I used to live in my head, rehearsing conversations or reliving scenarios to ensure that I showed up responsibly, 100% every single time, in the interactions that I had with another human being. "Why are they upset with me?" I'd ask myself, eagerly on a fact-finding mission. I'd revisit the micro expression changes that people didn't know I was an expert in, combining them with the tone changes I noticed during specific conversations.

The formula was simple: ensure someone felt heard, seen, and protected. Listen to not only what they're saying, but allow that tiny quiet internal voice that tells you exactly how to show up as the best possible friend, girlfriend, boss, human being — and let it guide me.

Therapy taught me that this was people pleasing, and I happily walked toward the journey of authenticity. It took immense self-awareness, radical self-forgiveness, but most of all living every second in integrity. It was the hardest thing I ever did, and the most rewarding.

Year after year, I started asserting more boundaries. I stopped accepting fault when it was clearly not mine to carry, and just quietly went on about my life. I rarely felt the need to tell my side of the story, often only sharing when asked. I already knew and accepted that this level of peace would mean that I would unfortunately be the villain in a lot of stories, and that was a tradeoff I was willing to accept.

I never retorted stories against me. I quietly acknowledged the gossip in the group chats and kept trucking along. I wasn't going to set myself up for more gaslighting by asking people who viciously avoid themselves to join me in taking accountability — and I definitely wasn't planning on driving myself crazy trying to hold anyone accountable to a level of emotional intelligence that they weren't seeking. Instead I just put my head down and kept it cute and mute.

Until now.

I can't create from a dishonest place, which means I can no longer hold your secrets, or keep myself small in the memory of you falling short. I use my life lessons as knowledge, fuel to continue growing on my journey to self-improvement. I've done all the silent work I'm ever going to do, and now it's time to create from truth — out loud.

I ran so hard for so long to avoid being labelled a villain. But if I'm going to show up fully and honestly every time, and still wear that label…

Why not tell the truth and set myself free?

Who's up first?