Journey To The Sex Club
Do you want to know what isn’t talked about enough? How innocent, untouched, virgin girls blossom into freaky, kinky, sex kittens. There is a journey that happens where we shed the veil of innocence wrapped around us and grab ahold of ownership of our sexuality. This journey, though, is rarely highlighted, as if in the blink of an eye we are at our sexual peak once our hymen has been broken. Yeah, no. There is so much more meat on the bones than that and for once, we are going to talk about it.
Virginity itself is already so complex. We are born with this thing that we go pretty much our entire childhood not knowing about, then one day, it becomes all the rage. The entire teenage world seems to suddenly burst with conversations about virginity, and who lost it, and why it should be held onto. Boys are expected to lose theirs early, girls are expected to hold onto it for dear life, and the moment you find yourself in a situation where this might be your last day holding onto your precious hymen, an entirely new anxiety comes along: What if I’m not good at it? In addition to worrying about being totally naked for probably the first time in front of your partner, and thinking about the pain that comes with losing a virginity (because all the girls always talk about the pain), somehow there is still room left to wonder about the pleasure of it all. And no matter what happens the first time, you are not a pro.
So how do we go from anxiously awkward to sexually liberated? The first step is the most fun – doing it. Like most everything, repeating an act over and over again naturally brings a comfort in the repetition. You know what to expect, so you can exhale. And with sex, pain gets replaced by pleasure. The soreness of the first-time fades as tingles set in. Cravings set in. You start moaning because how else can you express this feeling that transcends words? Where you were once weary of taking off your shirt or getting to business in a well-lit room, you now don your birthday suit fearlessly without a second thought. You start to recognize your body’s pleasure points and understand where you like to be kissed or touched. The more you engage, the bolder you become, the more you are made aware of your own desires. You also start to learn his.
Where women are expected to do little more than open their legs in their first sexual encounters, men somehow, are expected to be good at it. They have to have mastered the rhythm, every position, and know how to prolong the act long enough to ensure the lady is pleased. The double standard is uncanny, and it can leave a woman wanting to even the playing field. The natural pleasure he gets from her is nice, but it isn’t enough anymore. So, what do we do? We explore his body with our own. We measure our movements to his moans to see what it is his mouth won’t tell us he likes best. We look in his eyes at his most vulnerable to show him how intentional we are in the moment. We’ve slipped past the shyness that came with the unknown and are comfortable enough to travel further into the most important part of the journey – curiosity.
There are endless possibilities when it comes to sex: partners, positions, environments, clothing, music, and the list goes on. On a vast scale, it can be overwhelming, the silver lining however is you are almost guaranteed to find options that pique your interest. Gaining a level of comfort with sex, can make us wonder about the things we’ve seen on tv or heard from our girlfriends. The curiosity that comes with those stories is what makes us open minded enough to try them out ourselves. We explore with our partners different positions, sexy food items, and places like pools or backseats of vehicles. We try out different ways to learn whether we like danger, to be praised, or to be watched. We peruse and choose toys designed for her pleasure so we can take what we learn when we are on a solo mission and bring it back to our lucky someone. And we talk about it. We get to a point where we speak in detail to our girlfriends about the inner most private, sexual dealings we’ve ever engaged in without shame or embarrassment. But most importantly, we give ourselves space and grace to understand our true sexual nature. And that is how the freaky version of us is born.
The journey between a virgin and a vixen is lined with untold stories of what happens in the time in between. Owning your sexuality doesn’t happen overnight. There is a world to explore within our sexual selves to truly understand who we are and what we desire. And we face the door to that world, no longer with a blush coloring our cheeks, but just a cool determination to see it through to the destination, enjoying all pit stops along the way. We do not need to erase our truths to enjoy the trip.